What I Learned From My Parents

This is a popular joke that all pinoys can understand or relate to. I've transliterated the tagalog as best as I can. I hope this will be very far from the truth. Just in case, remind me not to.

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako "HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE". 
"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! 

Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

(If you two are going to kill each other, do it outside... I just cleaned the house.) 

2. Natuto ako ng "RELIGION" kay Itay. 
"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

(If the stain on the carpet doesn't come off, you better start praying.)

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng "LOGIC". 
"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

(That's the way it is, because I say so.) 

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto "MORE LOGIC". 
"Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."

(If you fall from the roof, I'm going to watch the movie by myself.) 

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "IRONY". 
"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

(Cry all you want, and I'm going to give you something to cry about.) 

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang "CONTORTIONISM". 
"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

(Look, there's dirt on the back of your neck...Look!!!)

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng "STAMINA". 
"Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

(Don't get up from that table until you finish your meal.) 

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang "WEATHER". 
"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

(, what kind of room you have here- it's like a storm passed by.)

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa "CIRCLE OF LIFE": 
"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

(You little flirt, I let you come into this world, I can take you out of it.) 

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang "BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION". 
"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang mag-inarte na parang Nanay mo!"

(Will you stop that! Don't go acting like your mom!) 

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng "GENETICS". 
"Nagmana ka ngang talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

(You really are very much like your no-good father.) 

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng "ENVY". 
"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

(There are alot of orphans out there, aren't you thankful you have parents like us?) 

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng "ANTICIPATION". 
"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

(Go ahead boy, just wait 'til we get home.) 

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng "RECEIVING". 
"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

(I'll give you a beating when we get home!) 

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang "HUMOR". 
"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

(If that feet of yours gets cut by the lawnmower, don't run to me 'cuz I'm gonna cripple you.) 

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang "JUSTICE". 
"Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

(One day you're gonna have children of your own, they're gonna be just like you and they're gonna give you a headache too.)

Dear Kids

I wrote this letter for my wife before we got married that year.  I am posting this now so it can be kept for our kids who, I hope, will get to read it when they are old enough. We already have three kids now, and we have celebrated our 7th year of being together as a family.

February 14, 2001

 

Dear Kids,

 

I am writing this to let you know how just much I love your Mommy Pam.  Today is Valentine’s Day, a special day for hearts deeply in love – a time when its ok to let the world know just how much you care for each other. Well, any day would do just fine, but today would be more special because we choose to make it so.  See, your Mom even gave me chocolate, cake and a nice little dog (stuffed).  Maybe I’ll do a little magic and give her something she’ll always treasure in her heart.

I figure that should you get to read this letter, you’d be wondering who I am writing to since you haven’t been born to us yet.  Yes my little angels, by this time you’re still playing with God.  I haven’t asked Him yet to let me spend the rest of my life with Mommy Pam, funny ‘cause that’s what I pray to him every time.  I need to bring your Mom to our Chapel of Love not the Westin.  I’ll tell you all about that when you’re all grown up.  For now angels help me tell your Mom how much I (we) love her.

You see, I can be very good with words, but they wouldn’t be enough to let Mommy Pam know how special she means to me or that I love her very dearly.  Trust me, she knows a lot – she knows me even better than myself.  She knows because she listens with her heart and she touches my soul with such gentle hands.

I hope you grow up to be like her.

 

With love and affection.

 

Your Dad

Victor